Only Edward's Kid
by Lunar Siren
Summary: Edward wants to buy Nessie a nice car for her birthday, but she has other things in mind. Jacob gets stuck in a car, Bella gets hot and bothered, Nessie keeps a secret from her parents. Fun times abound in this one-shot.


**Stephenie Meyer owns the **_**Twilight Saga.**_

**No copyright infringement intended.**

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"Bella, you're killing me!" Edward groaned.

"I think it's charming, and it's suitable for her," Bella replied, blinking her big gold eyes at her husband.

He was too busy fussing over the abomination in his garage to notice how adorable she looked. What was Bella thinking letting Renesmee choose such a thing? It was puny. It would shame the Cullen name!

It was a MINI Cooper.

Although Renesmee could drive long before was humanly sixteen, Edward refused to let her own a car. He had something special in mind for that sixteenth birthday, something that would match her mother's Ferrari quite nicely. A sleek Audi R8 had already been special ordered and on its way to the Cullen household.

"I don't think it's a big deal. Renesmee picked it out herself. She loves it, Edward."

"It's a MINI Cooper, Bella. Alice could barely fit her big toe in this thing! They aren't even safe; it could flip off the road so easily."

"We both know this isn't about safety; she's as strong as the rest of us." Bella slid her arms around her husband's neck, forcing his anguished eyes away from the tiny car. "I know you're upset she doesn't want the Audi but you can't buy everyone a car. Choosing your first car is important to a teenager."

"But the Audi would have been the perfect match for her," he whined childishly. "Cute, quick, quiet, a tad high maintenance—they were made for each other."

"Of course they were. But things change and Renesmee decided on something more . . . practical."

"Audi's are plenty practical, especially for our kind."

"Renesmee isn't _our kind_, dear. She's special, just like her car."

Jake materialized in the open bay door with Renesmee right behind him, fresh from their hunt. Actually not much hunting went on when they were by themselves; distractions lay everywhere in the forest. Renesmee had hit the hormones hard as she grew and now they were out of control, especially around Jacob. Edward wasn't happy about it but Carlisle assured him it was normal, that it was part of the imprint, and part growing up so quickly that made them unbalanced. Edward had an ear to Jacob's brain whenever he was within distance, and was so far pleased with what he heard—Jacob might be a gentleman but he was still a teenaged boy—but today they seemed extra flushed in the face. And he was reciting the MINI Cooper's owner manual.

"Uh-oh," Renesmee uttered, spotting the furious look on her father's face. "Mom, Dad, it's not what it looks like, I swear!"

"Not what it looks like?" Edward bellowed. "You bought a _MINI Cooper_!"

She sucked in a surprised breath and glanced up to Jake; he mirrored her surprise. He didn't know about . . . he was only mad because of the car? She immediately jumped on the topic, trying to cover up how flustered she really was. She just had one of the best experiences of her life, her insides felt like goo, and she had to placate her dad, who was anything but mature when it came to cars.

"Y-yeah, I bought a MINI. You said when I officially turned sixteen I could get a car, so I got one, and with my own money!" It actually came from her college fund, but they didn't need to know that.

"I said you could _get_ one, not _buy_ one. Why would you do this? Daddy already had a nice one picked out for you, a sleek Audi. Wouldn't you prefer a blue Audi, Nessie?"

"Why did you buy a MINI, honey?" Bella asked as the parental unit here; her husband sounded like a whiny child.

"I wanted something different from the Cullen mold," Nessie defended weakly. "Alice thought it was cute, Esme said it suits me, and Rose said they're easy to manage and Jake backed her up on it. When I saw it on the lot I knew it was perfect." She ran a hand over the hot pink gloss affectionately. _My own car._

Edward balked at the love he saw in his daughter's eyes. Desperately, he grabbed onto any excuse that would have it stranded in a junkyard. "I doubt Jacob can even fit in it."

"Oh Jake can fit a lot of places," she giggled. Immediately realizing what she just said, and with the look Bella was giving her, she hurried to cover up her mistake. "I mean, he can fit! He fits just fine in my MINI! Show him, Jake."

Truth was, Jake could barely squeeze into the itty-bitty interior; he had more luck phasing and taking up the backseat. But he had to prove Edward wrong. Nessie wanted to keep her car. She intentionally bought the MINI because she knew Edward had a car chosen for her from the time she was born. She didn't mind, but she wanted her own car—and this was it.

Jake stepped up to the small pink piece of plastic and carefully folded his huge frame to squeeze inside. Edward closed the door, possibly bruising Jake's shoulder if he didn't move it quicker. He lowered the window and Edward leaned into the space with an obnoxious grin; Jake knew the look, and despite his discomfort, he gave his very best grin.

"Seems a lot smaller in here," Edward said with an air of nonchalance. "The Audi can fit three dogs inside it—at least."

"This is perfectly comfortable to me," Jacob replied. "You can take your Audi and shove it up—"

"Alice said good things are brewing out here. What's up?" Emmett asked as he entered from the door leading to the house. He grinned at the MINI Cooper that ate a werewolf. "I know a challenge when I see it. Where did the kids-mobile come from?"

He popped open the driver's door and shoved Jake's leg over to his side, sliding half way in before having to push Jake again. Jacob complained, loudly, that he was being squished, and then remembered Edward was leering at him. He forced a smile and rammed his body further into the door, letting Emmett's equally bulky body squeeze in, slamming the door.

Renesmee finally snapped her jaw closed—_they fit? They look like their in so much pain_—before replying, "It's mine, Uncle Emmett. I bought it today."

"Phew! This thing is so cramped my knees are hitting the steering wheel." Emmett laughed. "A kids-mobile for a pipsqueak, how appropriate. Hey man, your legs cramping?"

Jacob laughed, although his body felt like it was breaking. His knees were almost pressed to his chest, even with the seat pushed as far back as it would go. He was almost sitting in the backseat. "No way, don't be a pussy." He would've punched Emmett's shoulder except he couldn't feel his arm.

"Emmett." Edward's voice was taking on the edge that happened whenever he was close to sealing a deal. "What do you think of this car? Doesn't fit my little girl, does it?"

"Sure it does; she's tiny, this thing is tiny. I'd be more worried when she puts the pedal through the floor when she realizes it can't go over one hundred."

"Compared to an Audi R8?"

He made a frustrated noise as he tried to get a leg out from underneath the steering wheel. Jacob's pushing wasn't helping matters. He was tempted to just tear the thing off; Rose could replace it. "That beautiful piece of machinery? There's no contest; the MINI Cooper is junk! Nessie, you need that Audi."

Nessie was too busy getting her ear chewed off to listen to the debate going on. She loved her little car and that's that—her mom could have the Audi.

Emmett wiggled his big butt out of the car and stretched his aching limbs. His vote was definitely for the Audi, Rose had gone on and on about that thing when she learned Edward bought one, and he was only too happy to indulge her. The MINI needed to be salvaged for scrap.

"Daddy, can I please keep my car? I love it so much," Nessie said. Bella promised her a _talk_ after this situation had been put to rest, but only because the visual aid Bella received—all of which Edward missed, thanks to his argument—left her feeling hot and bothered. And a little regretful. And a little jealous.

"Think about the Audi, sweetie," Edward said. "It's shiny and beautiful—it's much better than this. At least it can go the speed limit."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with a slow car," Bella defended with her shaky voice. She still loved that old truck she used to have. "Edward, just let her keep the MINI Cooper. We should go for a ride in the Vanquish . . . blow off some steam."

Edward straightened up and picked an imaginary piece of lint from his shirt. When his wife and daughter double teamed him, he had no choice. He wouldn't deny the women he love anything. If Renesmee wanted a piece of junk, Edward could learn to like it. Even if it would kill him on the inside. But Nessie really loved it, and he had to admit it was kind of cute.

"You're not giving in, are you, Edward?" Emmett goaded. "Come on, that Audi is so much better! Rose would love it."

"I give in," Edward said with a shrug. "You can keep it, Nessie."

She gasped and giggled with delight, jumping and squealing like a real teenager. Edward grinned when she gave him an extra tight hug. Emmett disappeared with a sigh to tell Rosalie the bad news while Bella quickly found the car keys. If anything would make Edward feel better, it would be a nice long ride in his fancy Vanquish.

When her family disappeared, Nessie opened the passenger door and Jake's big frame fell out like a rag doll. He rolled onto his back, taking a large breath. He was sure his ribs had punctured a lung, being jammed in that tiny space for so long. She grinned as she sat beside him.

"Do you think it worked?" he asked with a goofy boyish grin.

"I think Mom bought it, but I told her the truth. Dad suspected you of something impure for a while, so yeah, I think the decoy worked."

"He's going to shit a brick when he sees that crotch rocket."

She giggled. "When Mom gave me a ride on Dad's Ducati I couldn't help myself. The speed was amazing! Taking mine for a test driver earlier, I just knew I had to buy it. I am my father's daughter, after all."

++-++-++

Fooled you, didn't I? You all thought they did the nasty? Sure, maybe they did, but not there.

Want some visual aid to get hot and bothered, too? I have pictures of the Audi, MINI Cooper, and Ducati on my blog.


End file.
